DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS brought up with a very controlling and abusive father.
I have children of my own now and worry because I have become more and more withdrawn and don’t know how to change.
I am 36 but as a child I only left home to go to school. I was never allowed to go to any after-school activities or social events so I never had any social interaction.
Once I left school I went through a rebellious phase when I wasted my youth drinking and taking drugs.
Thankfully I sorted myself out, met the woman who became my wife and we have three young children, but I don’t have much self-confidence or self-esteem.
I struggle with all kinds of relationships, even with my kids, as I don’t know what a relationship should be like or how to have one.
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DEIDRE SAYS: That’s hard but you can find understanding support through the National Association for People Abused in Childhood (napac.org.uk, 0808 801 0331).
A good starting point to help you gain insight and get it right for your children is Philippa Perry’s guide The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did).
Ask your wife how you can make her feel more loved.
Starting and finishing the day with a kiss, a hug and saying “I love you,” should help.
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