DEAR DEIDRE: THOUGH I’ve been engaged to my long-term girlfriend for two years, I’ve started an affair with a girl at work.
I’m 34 and have lived with my fiancée, 32, for five years. I do love her, but I no longer fancy her and our sex life is non-existent.
For more advice from Dear Deidre
No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.
- Dear Deidre on Sex
- Dear Deidre on Relationships
- Dear Deidre on Marriage
- Dear Deidre on Family
- Dear Deidre on Parenting
- Dear Deidre on Grief
I’ve tried to make things better — taking her on dates, buying her sexy lingerie, booking weekends away together — but nothing makes a difference.
She thinks I’m being thoughtful and romantic when, in reality, I’m just trying to reignite a spark that’s gone out.
The truth is, our relationship has run its course. She is sweet and kind but she doesn’t excite me.
She keeps trying to put a date in the diary for our wedding, and now Covid restrictions are finished, I have run out of excuses not to.
Get in touch in Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to [email protected]
Or private message us via the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
We change all personal details in our published stories to protect your identity.
In the meantime, a few months ago, a new girl joined my team at work as an administrator. She is very young, just turned 22, and naturally pretty and funny.
At first we were just friends, but the more I talked to her, the more I started to fall for her. It was clear from her flirty looks and banter that she felt the same.
Two weeks ago, our relationship turned physical. We ended up having sex in the back office after work.
Since then, it’s happened again a few times.
I’ve lied to my fiancée, saying I have to work late or have drinks with my mates, and instead gone back to my new girl’s place for sex.
I feel terrible, but I’ve realised she is everything I want.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you are unhappy in your relationship and cheating on your fiancée, there’s only one thing you can do: end it.
It’s not fair to continue lying to her when you know in your heart there is no future and it’s clear you don’t want to marry her.
If she finds out about the affair, it will devastate her, and the relationship is likely to end anyway.
You need to be honest with her. It won’t be pleasant, but it’s the right thing to do for both of you.
Please read my support pack Torn Between Two Women. My support pack on Ending a Relationship should also help.
As for your colleague, it may seem like she’s everything you want, but once upon a time you felt that about your fiancée too.
Remember, this woman is only 22 and this relationship may not last the distance.
Perhaps what being with her has shown you is that you’re not yet ready for a commitment.
Once you’ve ended your engagement, you can see how things go with this other woman.
NEXT IN TODAY'S DEAR DEIDRE My only daughter is getting married but she hasn’t invited my partner
READ DEIDRE'S NEW PHOTO CASEBOOK Maggie’s boyfriend has a go at her for spending too much on clothes
GET IN TOUCH How the page works and how to contact us
Source: Read Full Article
