I do everything to try to please my wife in bed but she won’t return the favour

DEAR DEIDRE: I ALWAYS make sure my wife is satisfied in bed but she won’t bother to please me.

We are 37 and have been together for 18 years. But for ages sex was “roll on, roll off, good night”. Then I realised my wife got nothing out of it.

I looked online and learned how to please her sexually.

Now I take time to satisfy her.

We make love rather than have a quick fumble but she just lies back while I do all the work.

She welcomes oral sex but won’t return it or do anything other than vanilla sex. When I brought it up, she got very defensive.

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DEIDRE SAYS: You must remind her how your sex life changed when you made a real effort to satisfy her.

Say you are glad you realised you needed to change but you are feeling hurt now she does not seem interested in your pleasure.

You can make a start on talking specifics with the help of my e-leaflet Tensions Over Oral Sex.