I regret having more children in my 30s after pregnancy almost killed me – I grieve my old life and miss my size 10 figure

• Samantha Armitage, 34, of Leeds, admits she misses her pre-pregnancy figure
• READ MORE: Why having a baby at 51 was far easier than being a mum at 21

A mother-of-three – who was hospitalised 28 times during one pregnancy and found out she was carrying twins soon after being sick with Covid – has urged others in their 30s to ‘reconsider’ if they want children.

Samantha Armitage, 34, admits she misses her pre-pregnancy figure and going on holidays with her eldest son, 12, having ‘given up much of her life’ to care for her young twins, who were born last year.

She gave birth nine weeks early – to Elijah, 2lbs 7oz and Zendaya, 3lb 1oz at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport on February 28, 2022 – and suffered severe morning sickness which left her vomiting 20 to 30 times per day.

The premature twins were in hospital for three months before they were able to head home to Leeds with Samantha, her partner, Ryan, 32, a specialist painter, and her son from a previous relationship, Kaleb, 12. 

Samantha – who is now diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome – says pregnancy ‘almost killed her’ and left her socially anxious and afraid to go out.

A mother-of-three – who was hospitalised 28 times during one pregnancy and found out she was carrying twins soon after being sick with Covid – has urged others in their 30s to ‘reconsider’ if they want children. Samantha pictured before she got Covid

The parent revealed she now doesn’t even leave the house due to ‘severe anxiety about what people think of the new her’.

‘It’s a struggle to push the double pram and any overexertion sets me back days,’ she said. ‘[The twins] are needy, clingy, they climb on everything, they still don’t sleep through night.

‘I’ve missed out on so much and feel like they miss out on so much too – I’m classed as disabled, and it’s impacted my mental health massively.

‘Every day for me is like survival, I have to applaud myself for just cooking or doing some housework. I want to find myself again, but I have to start from scratch as don’t know who I am anymore.’

Samantha also ‘grieves’ her old life – saying she misses being social, going to work having a size ten figure as well as independence and freedom. 

‘I don’t have those things anymore,’ she said. ‘I was so consumed with regret and mum guilt I thought having twins had ruined my life. I have so much love for them but regret and pain at same time.’

Samantha Armitage (pictured with the twins), 34, admits she misses her pre-pregnancy figure and going on holidays with her eldest son, 12, having ‘given up much of her life’ to care for her young twins, who were born last year

She gave birth nine weeks early – to Elijah, 2lbs 7oz and Zendaya, 3lb 1oz (both pictured) at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport on February 28, 2022 – and suffered severe morning sickness which left her vomiting 20 to 30 times per day

Samantha – who is now diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome – says pregnancy ‘almost killed her’ and left her socially anxious and afraid to go out. Pictured in hospital with Covid in 2021

The full-time mother says the experience has ‘affected her identity and who she is’. 

‘I need to find my place in the world again as a disabled mum with two twin babies and an older child,’ she added. 

If she had known then what she knows now, Samantha says she would have ‘reconsidered and been more careful’ about the pregnancy. 

‘I love them but I miss my old life so much,’ she explained. ‘I’m excessively fatigued and run down. Pregnancy almost killed me. The twins were so premature because my body physically couldn’t carry them anymore, there were so many complications.’

Samantha says she also ‘missed out on so much with her eldest son because she was looking after these babies on her own while her partner was working all the time’.

She added: ‘I always had big dreams and was a high achiever, but I’ve had to put me and my goals to the back to be a full-time mum. If you value your freedom, don’t do it. You’ll regret it later.’

Samantha says before falling pregnant for the second time, she’d graduated from her second degree in teaching and learning at the University of Leeds and ran her own business doing careers coaching. 

However, in July 2021 she became severely ill with Covid and was hospitalised for three weeks. 

If she had known then what she knows now, Samantha says she would have ‘reconsidered and been more careful’ about the pregnancy. The twins pictured in hospital 

Samantha (pictured while pregnant) says before falling pregnant for the second time, she’d graduated from her second degree in teaching and learning at the University of Leeds and ran her own business doing careers coaching

And just a month after being discharged from hospital, she fell pregnant. While considering whether to go through with the pregnancy, Samantha went for a scan where she was told she was expecting twins.

As a twin herself, and with twins running in her family, she decided to continue with the pregnancy.

However, she was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum – a severe form of morning sickness which leaves sufferers experiencing prolonged nausea and vomiting.

Samantha was hospitalised due to the condition and was also diagnosed with pneumonia and sepsis – meaning she was admitted to hospital 28 times in just 31 weeks.

After undergoing an emergency caesarean at 31 weeks, Samantha’s twins were kept in hospital for three months, as her son suffered with periventricular leukomalacia – a form of brain injury most common in premature babies. 

Samantha admits that while she loves her children, she wishes she had been more careful when considering her second pregnancy. Pictured: Twins Elijah and Zendaya

And when her babies returned home, the mother found herself struggling to balance her twin’s complex needs, alongside caring for her eldest child and herself.

Now she says she rarely leaves the house due to severe anxiety and has missed friend’s birthdays, holidays, baby showers and even quality time with her eldest child.

Samantha admits that while she loves her children, she wishes she had been more careful when considering her second pregnancy. 

‘I want to advise people in their mid-30s, or who have been ill or it’s their second pregnancy, to reconsider – as for me the first pregnancy was easier than the second,’ she urged. 

‘You have to think can you go through with a pregnancy if something does go wrong. List what you enjoy now and the things you would have to give up being a mum and what support you have if things do go wrong.

‘I wish I’d waited until I was healthier or in better career position – it’s a blessing having twins but it’s also double stress, double finances, double exhaustion.’

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