DEAR JANE: I sold a family heirloom to pay for my children’s college tuition – now my furious siblings are threatening to SUE ME if I don’t share the ‘inheritance’ with them
- Best-selling author Jane Green shares advice with a woman whose siblings have been left furious over her decision to sell a vase left to her by her mother
- She also gives guidance to a woman who began flirting with her boss to get favorable treatment at work, but is worried he now wants something more
- Do you have a question for Jane? Email [email protected] or ask it below
Dear Jane,
A few years ago, my mother died. She lived a wonderfully full life and my siblings and I were incredibly close to her. As well as being a fantastic mother, she was also an incredible grandmother to my three children and would have done anything for them.
The reason I tell you this is because after my mother passed away, she left me and my siblings with very little in the way of ‘inheritance’, save for a few heirlooms that she spread between the four of us.
For me, that heirloom was a vase that had sat on our mantel for years when we were children, mostly gathering dust and occasionally serving as a secret prop in the games we’d play as kids.
When it was passed down to me, I thought it was more of a sentimental gesture than a financial one – but I decided to have it valued anyway, just in case, and was absolutely blown away when a man at a local auction house told me it would probably fetch anywhere between $100,000 and $200,000 if sold to the right collector.
Dear Jane, I sold off a family heirloom to pay for my kids’ college tuition and now my siblings are threatening legal action if I don’t share the money with them
I admit the first thing that crossed my mind when I heard those numbers was, ‘Boom, that’s it. That’s my kids’ college tuition.’ Or at least part of it. And so I sold it. Because I know that what my mom would have wanted more than anything would be to help my kids get the education that they deserve, without having to worry about money the way that we did.
But when I told my siblings about my decision, thinking that they’d be so excited for me, they had the opposite reaction – they flipped out.
They started yelling at me, telling me that I was greedy, that I obviously don’t care about our mother, her memory, or our family. They called me selfish, and then insisted that I split the money equally between the four of us because it’s part of their inheritance too. They’re even threatening legal action if I don’t agree.
I’m just so shocked by their appalling behavior. Why can’t they be happy for me and understand that it’s what our mom would have wanted?
They’re the selfish ones, not me… right?
From, Inherited Trouble
International best-selling author offers sage advice on DailyMail.com readers’ most burning issues in her weekly Dear Jane agony aunt column
Dear Inherited Trouble,
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother, who sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Who knows what she was thinking when she spread the heirlooms out between her children, whether she might have had an inkling about the value of that vase, but technically, the vase is yours, to do with as you wish.
The fact that you don’t feel sentimental about the vase – and happened to hit the jackpot – shouldn’t have anything to do with your siblings. Would they be making the same fuss if you had sold the vase on eBay for $20? I think not.
As for sentimental value, it’s a vase. A VASE. Forgive me, but just how much sentiment can a vase hold?
As much as I disagree with the behavior of your siblings, as much as I think a gift is a gift and the vase is yours, to do with as you will, I am reminded of the phrase, ‘You can be right, or you can be happy.’
I doubt the siblings will actually start legal action – not only is it shockingly expensive and time-consuming, they do not have much of a leg to stand on.
There are only four reasons that a will can be contested: How the will is signed and witnessed, mental capacity at the time of signing, will fraud – as in, she didn’t realize she was signing her will – or if she was under the influence.
But I want you to think about it another way: It’s possible that your mother had no idea what that vase was worth, and had she known, perhaps would have divided her belongings more equitably. If you believe that to be the case, I do think it would be right to share with your siblings.
There’s a reason greed is one of the seven deadly sins. I would think carefully about your mother and what she would have wanted, and whether the money is more important than family.
Dear Jane,
I’m 24, and quite fresh into a brand new office job. My department boss is an older man in his early 50s, and is quite a strict and no-nonsense sort of person.
A while after arriving here I started to get the suspicion that he was treating me better and with more leniency whenever I was ‘dressed up’ a bit more, and I began to experiment with it.
Wearing a shorter or tighter skirt, a nicer blouse, maybe undoing an extra button before heading in to his office, just being a bit more sexy. And it definitely worked! Over the last couple of months I’ve really doubled down on it and it’s got to the point where he treats me favorably and honestly gives me quite preferential treatment.
However, at this point, he’s started to drop fairly heavy hints about being interested in me and wanting more, and just being much more forward with me. I’m not really that interested in pursuing something like that, but I have no clue how to reject him without losing all of the favors and little bonuses I’ve got.
Dear Jane’s Sunday Service
We are living in times when it is very easy to play the victim. Poor me, poor me, poor me.
This renders us powerless, and absolves us of any responsibility, which is a very bad thing.
It is vital in life to look at our part, and to keep our side of the street clean – we are powerless over other people, but we are absolutely in control of how we behave.
Any help would be very welcome!
From, Keeping it Professional
Dear Keeping it Professional,
Oh, the sin of unintended consequences! You’ve got yourself into a mess, and the truth of it is, once he’s rejected, the likelihood is that your cushy office job is going to turn into a nightmare.
I hope you have learned a lesson from this – it is never a good idea to use sex or seduction to gain favor in the workplace.
The gains are usually short, and always come with a consequence, which you are now discovering. I don’t blame him at all for dropping the hints – you’ve used your sexuality to lead him on, and now you’re metaphorically up against a wall.
Other than leaving your job, I think your only way out is to find out what the company rules are about inter-office relationships – most companies have a policy against this – and then very kindly tell him that as much as you like him, you have been warned by HR/the company that would get rid of both of you if anything happened, and this job is too important to you. That way, hopefully, he won’t take it as a personal rejection.
But do not do this again. This does not end well, and although in these times it’s easy to always blame the man, you have to take responsibility for your part in this, and learn from this mistake.
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