DEAR DEIDRE: I LOVE my brother but he’s an alcoholic and I don’t want to become his carer.
He’s drinking himself to death and needs professional help. Am I selfish to want to have my own life?
I’m 40 and my brother is 43. He’s had a drinking problem for years, but it’s worsened since his wife left him.
He drinks from the moment he wakes up, and is blind drunk by late morning. Then he’ll ring me up, ranting down the phone, even when I’m at work.
Sometimes he rings in the middle of the night.
If I don’t pick up he keeps trying.
As his sister, I’m down as his next of kin on his medical records. I only found out because his GP asked me to bring him in.
I’m worried he’ll end up moving in because he won’t have anywhere to go.
Our parents are dead and he’s pushed everyone else away.
I feel so guilty. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You’re not responsible for your brother and shouldn’t feel guilty that you don’t want to be responsible for him.
Nobody can force you to take him in.
That doesn’t mean you can’t help him. My support packs, Drink Problem, and Dealing With A Problem Drinker contain links to professional sources of support for both him and you.
Make it clear you won’t talk to him at work or late at night. If he won’t stop calling, it would be wise to turn your phone off or mute his number.
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