DEIDRE SAYS: Watching porn is now a mainstream activity, with over 50% of men and 16% of women admitting to watching it regularly.
Some couples watch and enjoy it together, and it is a fulfilling part of their sex life.
But for others, knowing their partner is fantasising about or becoming aroused by another person can feel like they’re cheating.
It’s a grey area and depends on both how you and your partner define cheating and on your attitudes to porn.
WHEN CAN WATCHING PORN BECOME A PROBLEM IN A RELATIONSHIP?
- If your partner would rather watch porn than have sex with you.
- If they’ve watched so much porn they no longer become aroused without it so your sex life suffers.
- When they can’t stop watching it – when it becomes an addiction.
- When you know they’re thinking about porn actors while having sex with you.
- When they compare your body or performance in bed to those of porn actors making you feel insecure.
- When they lie about watching porn or hide it from you.
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- If they like to watch particular types of porn that are very different from you and your relationship e.g. you’ve got small breasts and they always choose to watch porn featuring women with huge breasts.
- If they suddenly want to introduce sexual acts they’ve seen in porn that you’re not comfortable with – such as anal sex.
- If you’re made to feel like you’re not enough for your partner.
- If you find yourself snooping on your partner – checking their browsing history – to see what they’ve been watching and whether they’ve been honest with you.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Communicate openly and honestly about your feelings. Explain why their porn habit upsets you or makes you feel insecure.
Set some ground rules for the relationship.
Think about couples counselling.
For more help, the Dear Deidre team can help.
My support packs Upset by Pornography and Internet Pornography Worry will give you practical tips and show you where to turn for support.
For a support pack and personalised advice, email us at [email protected] or for a prompt response, message us on Facebook.
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