DEAR DEIDRE: MY relationship has imploded after my husband got his live-in lover pregnant.
We’ve been trying for a baby for years but nothing happened.
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Now I’m jealous and sad, especially as I can see how excited he is to become a dad.
I’m 34, he is 38 and we got married six years ago.
Sharing him with other women was never a problem for me. I knew I could have other partners too, but I didn’t meet anyone I liked.
He married me, while his other girlfriends didn’t last, so I always felt special.
That was until his current lover, who is 35, came along. Within months she had moved into our home.
He would spend a night with me and the next with her. He has an enormous sexual appetite and the arrangement meant I could sometimes get a good night’s sleep.
I got on well with his other woman and we became friends.
After she realised her period was late, a test showed she was three months pregnant.
When she said she was keeping the baby, I felt gutted — although I pretended to be happy for her.
All I’ve ever wanted is a child of my own.
But despite giving up on contraception four years ago, my husband and I haven’t conceived.
Now it’s clear the infertility is down to me and I feel like an utter failure.
Since the baby news, my husband started to spend more nights in his other woman’s bed, not ours.
I no longer feel special. In fact, I am beginning to feel like an outsider in my own marriage.
He has not laid his hands on me for three months.
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I feel resentful of my friend and am now looking around for another man, even though it’s my husband I want.
Their baby is due soon and I don’t know how I’ll cope.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Few people manage to make polyamorous relationships work because, as you are aware, they can be an emotional minefield.
Though you accepted this arrangement, it sounds like your husband drove the idea.
Suddenly you are the “other woman” while they will be a family of three.
The fact you desperately want a child makes it even more painful.
Tell your husband how you feel. My support pack Looking After Your Relationship will guide you.
You might also consider relationship counselling, if he will agree.
Don’t sleep with other men to ease your pain or make him jealous. You will only end up feeling worse.
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Make an appointment with your GP to talk about fertility tests.
If you want to talk about your feelings, contact fertilitynetworkuk.org (01424 732 361).
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