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Academic Kylie Moore-Gilbert, 35, spent two years imprisoned in Iran on trumped-up espionage charges. Her partner, Sami Shah, 44, is a comedian and journalism lecturer. They live in Melbourne and are expecting a baby.
Sami: Part of me wishes we had a cooler story. I’d like to say I met Kylie when I busted into the jail in Iran and freed her. But we met on a dating app, Hinge. My profile picture was me dressed as Muammar Gaddafi, the Libyan dictator. I’d played him in a comedy sketch. Kylie’s profile was vague: a woman in the distance on a sand dune. She called herself Kay. When we met in a cafe, I was like, “My god, this woman is beautiful.” I had no idea who she was.
Kylie Moore-Gilbert and her partner Sami Shah. “I was fearful that I would never have the opportunity to be a mother,” she says. Credit: Josh Robenstone
She said she was an academic and her field was Middle Eastern studies. I made what I thought was a very funny joke. I said, “Academic? Middle Eastern studies? What are you, a spy?” Not realising she’d just spent two years in prison accused of spying.
I wasn’t in a happy state myself. My second marriage, which was a complete disaster, had just ended in a really bad divorce. I wasn’t interested in commitment in any way. But after that first date with Kylie, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. There was something familiar about her, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. A few days later, I saw her picture in a news article and I was like, “I am an idiot.” All I could think about was my joke. I sent her a long message, apologising. She said, “No, it’s fine.”
Kylie has huge generosity of spirit and an optimism which I find really inspiring. I read The Uncaged Sky, her book about her imprisonment, when she finished writing the first draft. It was hard for me. I’d try not to cry because I’d get angry and upset about what she went through. This is a person who is several leagues above me in her knowledge and understanding of the world, and her wisdom. Very early on, she came secretly to one of my comedy shows and sat at the back. I like to think that if I hadn’t been funny, I never would have seen her again. I do make her laugh, I hope. She makes me laugh a lot. The public persona is Kylie Moore-Gilbert: academic, intellectual, a very serious person. But my Kylie is also silly and goofy. I get both sides of her.
Most of the things she’s into are things that frighten me. She loves travelling. She loves scuba diving. She loves camping. I don’t understand camping. I love being at home, reading a book. But I like the fact that she challenges me. It’s exciting to be with someone you’re always playing catch-up with.
‘The public persona is Kylie Moore-Gilbert: academic, intellectual, a very serious person. But my Kylie is also silly and goofy. I get both sides of her.’
I can’t say having a baby has brought us closer because we were already very close. It hasn’t changed our love for each other. Initially, I was scared. Kylie said, “I want to have a kid,” and I was like, I don’t know. I already have one. My daughter, Anya, is 13. I thought, OK, either I say no, I don’t want a kid, and we break up, or I think about the idea. I realised I’d always wanted to have two children. And that Kylie was the only person I would want to have a kid with. We will raise a child well together, I think.
Kylie: Under Sami’s Colonel Gaddafi picture on the dating app, I wrote something like, “Do oil billions come in this package deal?” I was only about four months out of prison at that point, and still on a high. I was just so stoked to be free. I was wary of being targeted by creepy people, though, so I used a fake name and just had some generic photos of me in sunglasses or whatever, trying to be a bit incognito.
‘I was wary of being targeted by creepy people … so I used a fake name and had some generic photos of me in sunglasses, trying to be a bit incognito.’
We met for brunch. People think comedians are going to be saying funny things all the time. That’s really not the case, but Sami was charming and witty and smart. Then, a week later, he texted me and said, “Oh my god, I just figured out who you are.” We were both in a weird place. Both recently divorced. His story was the same as mine: the partner wasn’t faithful. So neither of us was in the headspace where we were looking for a long-term relationship straight up. I guess we were both open to it, though.
Honestly, I wasn’t particularly upset about my divorce. I’d realised when I was in prison that my partner didn’t have my back and that we weren’t going to stay together if I got home to Australia. I felt betrayed and hurt when I learnt about his affair, but by then I’d already made my peace with the fact that the marriage was over. Sami and I clicked on a lot of different levels. We had a similar view of the world. He’s very relaxed, always looking on the bright side. He’s got a big personality and it’s very warm and positive. We just sort of fit together really well.
I had decided when I was in prison that I wanted a baby. I was 31 when I was arrested and I was given a 10-year sentence, so I knew that unless somebody came to my rescue, I’d be there until I was 41. I was fearful that I would never have the opportunity to be a mother. I ended up getting out when I was 33 and, yeah, I knew that I wanted a child.
When Sami and I became more serious, we discussed it. He took some convincing because he already had a daughter and he felt like that phase of his life was over. He’s a great dad, though, and he loves kids. So he came around. I don’t think he was prepared to do it just for me. He had to decide whether he wanted it, too. It’s a really big decision.
My professional life is very much up in the air. I’m interested in researching arbitrary detention and hostage diplomacy, and might go back to academia to pursue something along those lines. I’m spending a lot of time talking with current detainees’ families, in Australia as well as abroad. Giving them advice and learning from them, too.
For me, dealing with the Iran stuff gets no easier over time: it gets harder. I’m working on it, but I think it will always be with me. My personal life is amazing, though, and having the baby is an opportunity for a fresh beginning. My life won’t be just about me any more. There’s something more important: keeping this little creature alive!
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