My date left me to foot the bill at our second meeting – now I never want to see him again
- The mother posted to the UK-based website Mumsnet to seek help from others
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A woman has sparked a heated debate online after she admitted she doesn’t want to see a potential love interest again because he didn’t pay for dinner.
The woman took to the UK parenting site Mumsnet to question whether it was a ‘major red flag’ that he let her cover the entire bill on their second date.
She explained that on their first date, they went to a park café and had a cheap lunch, which he covered the cost of.
The pair had a more high-end second date and went to a pricey pub where the bill was £110, but when the mother offered to pay her share, her date thought she was picking up the entire tab after he paid last time.
She became ‘flummoxed’ and quickly paid, but has been left wondering if she should see him again.
Many commenters thought she was to blame for not communicating clearly, but others said she was right to be wary and he should have offered to split the bill.
A mother has taken to Mumsnet to question whether she was in the wrong for wanting to ditch her date after she paid the bill (stock image)
She explained: ‘Met a guy online. First date, walk in the countryside near to where he lived. Seemed a really nice guy with great interests and gorgeous dog!
‘Stopped at a café and had sandwich lunch about £8 each, no alcohol or anything. Very kindly he offered to pay and I accepted. no kiss or anything like that.
‘Second date he said he was going to be working near me and would I like to do something. I offered to book a pub dinner near to where he would clock off.
‘Again it went well I thought, but conscious on seeing the prices on the menu I knew I wouldn’t want him to pay for me, particularly as he had bought me the sandwich.
‘At the end of the meal when he asked for the bill, I said you paid last time so I don’t want you paying again.
‘He misconstrued this as me saying I would settle the whole thing (what I meant was we just had split it) and I guess I was so flummoxed that this had happened. I just paid especially since the waitress was kind of hovering over us… I was embarrassed to talk about it. Bill was £110!
‘I guess I just wonder if this is a major red flag. I don’t know him well enough to determine and honestly it’s put me off. I don’t think I want to meet up again.
‘Yes I can afford it as I’ve worked really hard to build up my own business.
The woman explained that she quickly paid the bill because she got ‘flummoxed’ and the waitress was hovering over them
Mumsnet users were quick to share their thoughts on the situation, but many agreed that the mother was in the wrong
‘I didn’t tell about money at all and am not flashy, but I did talk about what I do and maybe he just made a assumption? Am I being unreasonable?’
The post attracted more than 500 comments, as many people shared their own opinions on the situation.
Many users agreed that the woman had misled the man by saying she would pay the bill.
One person said: ‘I think you didn’t communicate clearly and are now a bit embarrassed by not clarifying what you meant. From his point of view, you offered to pay and he accepted.’
A second user agreed and said: ‘Sounds like a misunderstanding on his part to me. Perhaps see what happens on a 3rd date and if you see it going anywhere before you bin him.
‘However if he doesn’t offer to pay this time then yeah, he’s not a keeper.’
A third user wrote: ‘I think you weren’t very clear. You should’ve followed it up quickly with, ‘”Let’s split it”.’
Some users thought that the man should have taken initiative and offered to split the bill as it was much more expensive than the previous date
A fourth added: ‘I think you’re embarrassed you didn’t communicate properly. Of course he thought you meant you were getting it as that’s exactly what you told him.
‘Now he could have said no and offered to go halves, but then he risked you being annoyed as you’d clearly said you were getting it.
‘I would definitely have a third date and wouldn’t see this as a red flag. Just remember next time to communicate more clearly.’
However, while some other believed the mother to be in the wrong, others saw fault in the man’s actions.
One wrote: ‘If you’d been together months I wouldn’t care but on date two?! You are not being unreasonable. He’s shouldn’t have accepted when there was a massive difference like that.
‘He should’ve split or paid for all the drinks if you headed somewhere after the meal. Paying £8 v £110 when you’ve met someone twice is really cheeky!
‘Even if he misunderstood your offer, he should have known that wasn’t a fair exchange.’
Another agreed: ‘The polite thing for him to do given the discrepancy in cost would have been to say,”No – it’s too much, let’s go halves” as opposed to just letting you pony up over a hundred pounds!
‘So I think it is a bit of a red flag, albeit it sounds like he misunderstood you. Definitely give him another chance though.’
Similarly, another added: ‘I’d not waste time with a man who, upon realising bill was £100+ and knowing very well that on previous date it was only £10 or so, didn’t offer to pay half.
‘I’d do that for a friend, much less a prospective partner. I can’t see any appeal in cheapskates.’
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