Thirteen years ago, a friend at college made me a gingerbread cookie decorated with the words ‘I f**k who I want whenever I want to’.
The explicit message was, in large part, a reference to an iconic character I have been compared to many times over the years: the inimitable Samantha Jones.
To me, being considered a real life Sam is a compliment, because who doesn’t want to be likened to a progressive, sex-positive powerhouse who does whatever and whoever she wants, and by doing so dismisses society’s outdated rules about women and sex?
Like most Sex And The City fans, I was excited for the arrival of And Just Like That but with the finale airing tonight, I feel nothing but disappointment. Unlike its predecessor, the revival has been a tedious experience that leaves behind a taste of ‘funky tasting sp**k’, mostly due to the disservice it has done to the original show’s message.
With Kim Cattrall choosing not to return to the fold, writing her role out was always a risk but it seems that when Sam went to London, she took the sex with her.
Over the past decade, I have interviewed countless people over the age of 50 about their sex lives and I’m here to tell you, that lot are freaky. Last year, when researching a London sex club, I had a delightful chat with a man in his late 50s who was rediscovering his sexuality by dipping his penis in the BDSM scene.
More recently, at 32, I reviewed a nudist swingers resort, where most of the guests were aged between 40 and 70 years old. They had orgies at noon, oral sex in front of cheering crowds and went at it in sex swings. They rightly felt no shame in their pleasure, however dirty it might be.
If we’re to believe And Just Like That, you can forget about having good – or even, any – sex in your old(er) age and that is not an accurate representation of real life.
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There are a few golden scenes, like THAT kitchen orgasm between Miranda and Che and I was very happy to see Sara Ramirez, who is non-binary both on screen and in real life, play this role.
Another gem is Charlotte giving Harry a blowjob in the bathroom, only to be interrupted by their daughter, Lily. But the moment is quickly overshadowed by Carrie and Miranda’s extreme reaction when the story is retold during lunch.
‘You still blow Harry?,’ Miranda exclaims, with Carrie adding: ‘Was it his birthday or something?’ as if the idea of enjoying giving one’s other half oral sex after 20+ years of marriage is shameful.
What I wouldn’t have given to see Harry bent over, Charlotte with a paddle in hand, ready to spank his bottom. Or even better, the pair swinging with their new friends, Lisa Todd (Nicole Ari Parker) and Herbert Wexley (Christopher Jackson) at a luxurious members’ only sex club.
One refreshing glimmer into reality was when Miranda and Steve tried to revive their marriage by getting down and dirty in the kitchen and in doing so, also tackled the often taboo topic of dry vaginas. Miranda’s sexual awakening is also a joy to behold but by that point it was too little, too late.
Carrie, who is grieving Big’s death, can be forgiven for not feeling frisky. However, she is a former sex columinst who is suddenly too prude to talk about sex on a podcast. And just like that, she goes from being badass to boring. At least her fashion sense is still decent.
On a more serious note, people aren’t sex machines. We all go through phases of not having or wanting sex but there’s a broader issue and it’s a misogynistic one.
It’s rare to see older women portrayed in sex scenes, especially when compared to their male counterparts – who are often viewed as studs well into their grey years. The show had the opportunity to be groundbreaking but instead storylines reinforce the musty ideal that people (read: women) over a certain age shouldn’t be seen as sexual.
Where Sex And The City championed female pleasure (like Samantha spending an afternoon playing with herself purely to ‘find’ her orgasm again), And Just Like That suggests that once you’re over 50, sex is the equivalent of a dusty dildo you keep in the back of your nightstand, only to be brought out for special occasions.
When we stop talking about sex or showing what real sex looks like at every age, we reinforce existing stigma.
Even Seema Patel, who – let’s face it – is a poor man’s Samantha, fails to impress. It’s no fault of Sarita Choudhury’s, who is a great actor. She is positioned as a fabulous woman who despite her incredible confidence is somehow still the insecure girl desperate for love.
Loneliness is a powerful topic and I appreciate the attempt at it being tackled on screen, but please stop selling the idea that only a man’s love will complete a woman’s life. In contrast, in the Sex And The City movie, Samantha reminds us of the importance of self-love when she tells her long-term boyfriend, Smith, ‘I love you but I love me more’.
And Just Like That is yet to be renewed for a second season. All we can hope is that, if it does return, the sex will too. As for getting freaky after 50, to quote the icon herself, I intend to enjoy it for ‘as long as I can breathe and kneel’, other people’s opinions be damned.
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