Seth Meyers Breaks Down Facebook’s Very Bad Week

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Late-night hosts continued to weigh in Wednesday night on Facebook’s horrible, no good, very bad week.

“It’s the kind of week you normally post about on Facebook,” Meyers said, adding that the social media giant had it even worse than the Yankees, who lost their wild-card game Tuesday and were knocked out of the baseball playoffs.

“Here’s the thing. Facebook is like a pocketknife: You can use it to peel an apple or stab a janitor at school.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Speaking of destroying America, Mark Zuckerberg is pushing back after the bombshell testimony from a whistle-blower who gave Congress insight into what her former employer is up to. Zuckerberg fired back last night with the longest Facebook post ever recorded. This post was so long, I thought my Aunt Fran wrote it.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“The whistle-blower, Frances Haugen, claimed, among other things, that Facebook prioritizes angry posts — they get the most traction. Zuckerberg rejected those claims in an angry post.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“Up until now, Zuckerberg has been silent about a whistle-blower revealing that Facebook has misled the public about the negative effects of its platforms on children and teens, especially young girls, and that Facebook’s mechanics further the spread of misinformation. That’s why I’m not on Facebook. I get my news from a more reliable source: pantsless guy on the subway.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Zuck actually posted a statement defending Facebook against charges that their algorithm encourages conflict, explaining, ‘I don’t know any tech company that sets out to build products that make people angry.’ Really? I do — it’s called Why is the video embedded in the article not about the article? If I click a link about the Albuquerque Balloon Festival, I don’t want to watch a video where Van Jones sits down with undecided voters after watching the same Humira ad twice!” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“And it is, to say the least, not good that what amounts to a global public utility is controlled by one massive, secretive international conglomerate. It’s like finding out that all the drinking water in the world is controlled by some company called ‘Aqua Buds’ and it’s run by one weird little dude who created the company out of revenge because none of the cute girls at this college would give him a glass of water: ‘Oh, I’ll show them. I’ll show them all! Who’s thirsty now, Courtney?’” — SETH MEYERS

The Punchiest Punchlines (Anyone Else Edition)

“Well, get this — apparently New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio has been telling people that he’s going to run for governor of New York next year. New Yorkers heard and were like, ‘Please, anyone else.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Then Rudy Giuliani was like, ‘What about me?’ and New York was like, ‘OK, maybe not anyone else.’” — JIMMY FALLON

“Here’s the deal: de Blasio is reportedly possibly running for New York governor. There’s still a lot of unknowns: what his platform is, what his announcement date is, and what he’s smoking.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Apparently, de Blasio has been sounding out trusted former aides about their interest in working on a potential campaign. His only hope is that they don’t remember his presidential campaign, when he finished 47th behind Michael Bennet and a Roomba with googly eyes.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

The Bits Worth Watching

Trevor Noah spoke to Monica Lewinsky about her new documentary, “15 Minutes of Shame,” on Wednesday’s “Daily Show.”

What We’re Excited About on Thursday Night

Madonna will pop by Thursday’s “Tonight Show.”

Also, Check This Out

“There’s a trying to Greg that’s really endearing and fun for me to play,” said Nicholas Braun, a star of “Succession,” which returns with Season 3 on Oct. 17.

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