Parenting can be tough, but you do your best to raise your children in the hopes they’ll grow into happy and well-rounded adults.
This father, however, feels disappointed with the path his grown-up daughter has taken in life, which has caused conflict between the family.
Posting on Reddit’s ‘Am I the Asshole?’ forum, where people seek perspectives on contenious situations, he explained that he has three children, aged 33, 30 and 27.
The children’s mother left when they were young, leaving the dad to look after them as a single parent and take on two jobs to support them.
Although the eldest two became a teacher and firefighter respectively, the youngest – Abby – dropped out of an engineering degree to pursue sex work.
The dad said he was initially ‘shocked’ to hear of the career choice and ‘begged her to reconsider but she refused to listen’. He later said he’d always love his daughter but didn’t wish to hear any details about the job.
A few years has passed since then – and Abby has apparently ‘made quite a bit of money’ in the sex industry. But the topic was broached once again at a family party celebrating the man’s oldest daughter’s promotion, where he gave a speech saying he ‘was proud of her for being successful in her career.’
On the drive home, Abby asked her father why he never tells people that he’s proud of her too, a question he initially refused to answer.
After losing his cool, the dad told her in a raised voice: ‘I don’t approve of your job. I don’t want to hear about it and I’m not going to tell people I’m proud that my daughter has sex with men for money.’
Abby began to cry and ran to her room when they arrived home, yet the argument continued the next day when the single parent attempted to say sorry.
‘I apologised to her for raising my voice and making her cry but I still stood firm that I wasn’t going to lie to myself, to her or to anyone else that I’m proud of the work she’s doing,’ he said. ‘She called me an asshole and slammed the door in my face.’
Opinions on whether he is in fact the asshole were mixed, with some arguing he should be more supportive and others saying they’d react the same if it was their own children.
‘As a parent you couldn’t control her choices but you definitely can disagree on them,’ said one person, while another wrote: ‘I would not like my daughter in this line of work and I would worry what it might mean for her safety and future.’
One, who judged the original post as ‘not the asshole’, said: ‘She darn well knows why you don’t say it to people. I’m not sure what her end game was. If she won’t take the polite deferral, then she gets the not polite truth.’
On the opposite side, a commenter wrote: ‘It seems like your kid just wants you to be proud of them? Maybe it feels like you love her less than her siblings. Think about things from her perspective.’
‘The reason sex work is stigmatized is because people like you exist. Your child is supporting herself and enjoys her work. Get over yourself,’ said a second, and another added: ‘If I were a parent I would hope that I would find a way to be proud of her for living life on her terms and finding success in her chosen field. Sex work is work.’
Many advised the dad to have a conversation with Abby about reasons he’s proud of her outside of her work, though some suggested he dig his heels in and lie to family and friends about her job.
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