I lost trust in my wife after she flirted with ex-boyfriend in front of me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife flirted with an ex-boyfriend on her phone in front of me.

I confronted her after the call but she didn’t see anything wrong with chatting to an ex. She said she has nothing to hide.


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I told her that she was flirting and it was disrespectful and she apologised.

It made me lose my trust in her and I am beginning to regret getting married. I am 37 and my wife is 35.

We have been married just over a year.

I started going through her phone and found some messages from another guy.

He kept trying to chat her up when we were dating.

My wife told me she had turned him down but I found out she lied and had actually slept with him.

I realised too that she keeps old messages from ex-boyfriends, which I am uncomfortable with.

I told her to delete the messages which she did, but not all.

I gave her an ultimatum saying that I’ll leave the marriage if I find out she is communicating with any of her exes.

I don’t know how to start trusting my wife again.

I feel as though I got married to the wrong woman.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife has clearly eroded your trust and confidence but was she seriously flirting with her ex or was it friendly banter, which she was doing in front of you, after all.

You two need to have a proper discussion about what is reasonable contact and what crosses the line, how to get the balance between her being honest and you being controlling.

Did she willingly agree to you going through her phone?

Were you seriously dating when she had sex with the other guy or was it early days?

My e-leaflet on Coping With Jealousy can help you both.

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