After Paul Hollywood blasted his ex-lover as a fame-hungry minx… JAN MOIR imagines the secret diary of Summer’s summer of love
- After two years of passion, their romance collapsed faster than a soufflé
- Paul Hollywood was dumped by his young lover Summer Monteys-Fullam
- Jan Moir imagines the secret diary of Summer’s summer of love
After two years of passion, their romance has collapsed faster than a twice-baked soufflé. For television baking star Paul Hollywood has been dumped by his young lover Summer Monteys-Fullam following a row.
Who saw that coming? Hands up everybody.
The 53-year-old Great British Bake Off star was dumped by the 24-year-old after she refused to sign a gagging order that would have forced her to keep quiet about their romance.
At the luxury home they share in Kent, Summer Full Monty thought her ageing lover was about to propose following his divorce from his wife. Instead, the brute asked her to sign a contract that forbade her from ever talking about their relationship in public, even to friends.
After two years of passion, their romance has collapsed faster than a twice-baked soufflé. For television baking star Paul Hollywood has been dumped by his young lover Summer Monteys-Fullam following a row
When she refused, hostilities quickly ratcheted up to a war footing. Hollywood has changed the locks and demanded the return of the gifts he showered on her, including a Range Rover and a chicken called Karen.
Now there are rumours she is to make his worst nightmare come true — by writing a tell-all book about their relationship.
‘I’m actually really thinking about it after everything I have been through and am still going through lol,’ Summer revealed in an online post this week.
Here’s how My Great Summer Of Love might read . . .
Chapter 1: I’m just a bar belle
Have you ever been in love? Like, really in so much love that you thought your crop top might burst with sheer passion? That happened to me the night Paul Hollydud walked into the bar where I worked in Ickham, Kent.
I recognised him straight away as the biscuit-baking stud off the telly, but even if I hadn’t, Mum was texting me from her usual corner seat. ‘GO FR IT GIRL HE IS MINTED.’
Honestly! Paul was really dead gorge for an oldster guy, but what could he possibly see in a lowly barmaid like me, with my 36DDDD chest and ability to do the splits? ‘I want to arrange a birthday party for my wife,’ he said, and from that moment on, we knew we were meant to be together.
Have you ever been in love? Like, really in so much love that you thought your crop top might burst with sheer passion? That happened to me the night Paul Hollydud walked into the bar where I worked in Ickham, Kent
Chapter 2: My blue heaven
‘You beguile me, Paul Hollydud,’ I told him. ‘You overwhelm me. You make my heart beat like the paddle on a meringue-making machine.’
Reader, how can I explain my feelings for him? He does something to me that no other Kent-based millionaire can.
Reader, how can I explain my feelings for him? He does something to me that no other Kent-based millionaire can
At the mere touch of his hand, I quiver and gasp. My body convulses anew every time his eyes flit over my curves, like a piercing blue caress.
‘Is VAT included on those sausage rolls?’ he said, as he signed the order for his wife’s party. I could only nod.
Chapter 3: Bye Bye Mrs
That reminds me. His wife Alex. When I first met Paul he was in a terrible situation that stopped him being the person he truly desired to be. It was called marriage. My darling Cake Cake wanted to be a free spirit, tearing down the highway of love on his Kawaski H2, the wind roaring through the gelled spikes on his beard, hand on the throttle until he got to my front door.
When I later became his girlfriend I thought that we would get married and I would be together forever with the Range Rover SUV he gave me. God, how hollow that seems now. As hollow as his promises.
Chapter 4: My luxury lover
On our first romantic mini-break we flew to Mauritius together. By now we were so close I could finally speak my truth. ‘Listen babes,’ I told him, because someone had to. ‘Orange is not your colour.’
He is my Cake Cake and I am his Bunny Buns. Together, we explore a fabulous new world of luxury brands. He has introduced me to some of the finer things in life, like Gucci belt buckles and this fabulous Dolce & Gabbana dress. Don’t you just LOVE! I OBSESS it. We have some right laughs together. ‘Does your father want another beer?’ a waiter asked in a beachside bar. How we roared.
Back in our water villa with the ensuite and the free exotic fruits platter, I turned from a girl into a woman. He was 53 and I was 24. I knew nothing about love, he knew everything. I sat down beside him on the front porch swing. And wondered what the coming series of I’m A Celebrity would bring.
Chapter 5: Recipe for our first row
After they split, Paul’s wife started publishing recipes online. Cheek! And his ex, Marcela Valladolid, is a TV cook, too. So why not me? I’ve already helped scramble a marriage, where I learned that as soon as it curdles, it is done. So this audition tape should be as easy as pie. Lights, camera, action!
First buy your groceries. Just miffle some onions with a garwhacker. Saw a potato in half and place it in the melange.
Add parsley or not, see if I care. Just at that moment, Paul enters the kitchen where I am filming. ‘What are you doing with my camera crew?’ he screams. He does not look pleased.
Chapter 6: All saddled up for my close-up
I am a horsey girl. I love my horses, my dogs and my chickens Karen, Frederica and Ciro. Most of all I love being in nature, where nothing is more natural than to take a country stroll naturally after a six-hour appointment in a beauty salon.
I also love to ride my ponies in full make up with a fresh blowdry and a new set of acrylic nails. Mum feels the same way.
We are always ready for our close-ups, even if there are no photographers in sight, because they are hidden 100 yards away in a hedge, as usual.
I am a horsey girl. I love my horses, my dogs and my chickens Karen, Frederica and Ciro. Most of all I love being in nature, where nothing is more natural than to take a country stroll naturally after a six-hour appointment in a beauty salon
Chapter 7: Just mucking about
Paul’s divorce from his wife comes through. I am intensely drawn to sincerity because I am a strong woman. That is why I show my support by mucking out the stables in a team ‘Hollywood’ T-shirt. I look at the steaming pile of manure and I think of the man I love. Everything is going to be perfect now. Isn’t it?
Chapter 8: Talk’s not so cheap
Heartbreak! Paul demands that I sign a Non-Disclosure Agreement to stop me ever discussing him to the media or to friends.
When I say no, he turns into a monster I don’t recognise. ‘Why don’t you f*** off back on that horse you rode in on?’ he shouts. Honestly. Is that any way to speak about my six ponies; Pre-Nup, Close Up, Sugar Daddy, Idiot, Soggy and Bottom? I’m so upset.
Does this mean I can’t keep the hot tub?
Chapter 9: So long baker boy
How can it have come to this? Just days ago Paul Hollydud said I made his doughnuts explode with desire. Now he has changed the locks on his home — and slammed the door shut on our life together.
Can I ever recover from this treachery, this assault on my trust? He is so controlling, so adulting, so very yesterday’s sad man with a white beard. Now I will never be Mrs Hollydud the Second and my heart is utterly broken. Is it? Pics or it didn’t happen!
#byebyesanta #blessedlife #happyme #oldbore
How can it have come to this? Just days ago Paul Hollydud said I made his doughnuts explode with desire. Now he has changed the locks on his home — and slammed the door shut on our life together
Chapter 10: Summer’s here to stay
READERS, I trust the next chapter in my life because I know the author – me. I am woman, hear me roar. And remember my name, Miss Summer Full Monty. Unlike most budding starlets, I had to leave Hollywood to find fame and fortune. And you can bet your buns you haven’t heard the last of me yet.
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