RICHARD LITTLEJOHN: And now, dearly beloved, we turn to woke Hymn Number 69… Silent Night, Holy Night, All the trains, Are on strike
Hallelujah! At long last a leading churchman has found the courage to speak out against the cult of wokery, which doesn’t even take a day off at Christmas.
Cardinal Vincent Nichols, Britain’s most senior Catholic cleric, has slammed the rewriting of traditional carols to reflect the modern obsession with ‘diversity’ and identity politics.
His ire was directed at a Church of England service where an ‘inclusive’ version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen was performed.
The updated lyrics contained the lines ‘God rest you, queer and questioning’ and ‘God rest you also, women, who by men have been erased’.
Cardinal Nichols, the Archbishop of Westminster, said religious ritual formed over centuries was vitally important and shouldn’t be overturned simply to satisfy an ‘unbiblical agenda’.
Tellingly, it’s taken a Catholic priest to condemn meddling by woke activists, who want to reshape the world to suit their own fashionable prejudices.
Hallelujah! At long last a leading churchman has found the courage to speak out against the cult of wokery, which doesn’t even take a day off at Christmas
Just as well, too, because it’s no good expecting the Church of England to stand up for traditional values.
These days Anglican clergymen, from the top down, spend most of their time lecturing us about racism, sexism, climate change, gay rights and asylum seekers.
God barely gets a look in, let alone the views of their dwindling band of middle-aged congregants.
Only this week, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, stepped up his attack on the Government’s modest plan to process cross-Channel migrants in Rwanda.
No doubt he’ll be singing ‘God rest you, queer and questioning’ with gusto after delivering his Christmas sermon on why striking ambulance drivers deserve a 30 per cent pay rise. How long before midnight mass at the Abbey features YMCA by the Village People and (Sing If You’re) Glad To Be Gay by Tom Robinson?
Elsewhere, climate activists sang specially-adapted carols outside the offices of Tory MP Robert Courts in Witney, Oxfordshire, former seat of Call Me Dave.
The words had been changed to help ‘raise awareness’ of global warming. So I guess that rules out In The Bleak Midwinter, for a start.
Even though we’ve already had a taste of the coldest winter in almost 14 years (© Rod Stewart), the warmists still maintain that we’re just a nano-second away from universal conflagration.
What made me laugh out loud was the photograph in the Oxford Mail of them holding their vigil. They were all wearing thick coats, bobble hats, gloves and scarves, while warning that the Earth is about to go into meltdown.
Obviously, the irony was lost on them. Sadly, I haven’t been able to track down their new lyrics to old Christmas favourites. So I thought I’d best come up with some woke words of my own, tailored to comply with modern sensibilities.
The people who rewrote God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen obviously missed a trick.
By changing it to ‘God rest you, queer and questioning’ they may have caused grave offence to vulnerable members of the non-binary community.
Surely, it should have gone:
God rest you, merry gender-fluids,
Both lesbian and gay,
We welcome all persuasions here,
And those who define as ‘they’.
He or she, we could not care,
Your pronouns, girl or boy,
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Girl or boy,
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!
You can imagine Welby belting that one out from his pulpit. And now, dearly beloved, we turn to Hymn Number 69, Silent Night.
Silent Night, Holy Night,
All the trains,
Are on strike,
Even Virgin and LNER,
Hope you don’t have to go very far,
Sleep at Birmingham New Street,
Sleep at Birmingham New Street.
And now, a special hymn dedicated to our striking paramedics…
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, jingle all the way,
You won’t get an ambulance,
This side of Christmas Day,
Oh, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Don’t dial 999,
A&E is closed again,
We’re on the picket line.
This is the time of year we remember Mary and Joseph making the dangerous journey to Bethlehem, seeking refuge from persecution.
Their story has parallels with the plight of millions of displaced people today. So please join me in singing Hymn Number 34…
I saw three dinghies sailing in,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day,
I saw three dinghies sailing in,
On Folkestone beach in the morning…
And what was in those dinghies three?
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day,
And what was in those dinghies three,
At half past two in the morning?
Another gang of Albanians,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day,
And a couple of dozen Iranians,
Just like every other morning…
They were brought ashore by Border Force,
On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day,
And taken to a hotel, of course,
On Christmas Day in the morning…
The week Lord Nonce shamed the Lords
The Nonce Finder General slithered under the radar into the Lords this week.
The fact that Tom Watson was even nominated for a peerage tells you all you need to know about Starmer’s respect for decency and his alleged commitment to cleaning up the Upper House. This week the Lords, and the Labour leader, died of shame.
Starmer has proved himself unfit for office, just like his slimeball sidekick Watson.
The Met Office is blaming increased electricity demand caused by widespread WFH for the prospect of rolling power cuts this winter. They didn’t see the recent cold snap coming, either.
Their forecasts are no more reliable than looking out of your window in the morning. Yet we are expected to swallow wholesale their doomsday warnings about climate change.
Why should we believe them when they tell us what’s going to happen in 25 years if they haven’t a clue what’s going to happen this time next week?
What can I say? Thanks once again for your support and fabulous contributions over the past year, especially your overwhelming kindness when Mum died in March. I say it every Christmas, but this column really wouldn’t be the same without you. Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year from Gary and me. Everybody back on the coach in a couple of weeks.
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