When I saw that Sam Smith had come out as non-binary, I was thrilled not just for them, but for the whole community.
Like Sam, I identify as non-binary (unlike them, I am also trans). My gender identity does not match with the binary that society broadly adheres to – I see myself as neither a man nor a woman.
To me, gender is a wide spectrum and non-binary people exist somewhere within it. I see it as a pole with male and female on either end – some people are in the middle of the pole, and some lean closer to one than the other (I am closer to the female end, for example).
Non-binary people already face hardship and rejection on a daily basis. We are constantly told we don’t exist. We are casually mocked by people like Piers Morgan on television as if our entire existence is a huge joke. Work colleagues and peers misgender us on a daily basis.
When celebrities like Sam speak out about their non-binary identity, it spreads awareness on a huge platform. Even if it educates one new person, that’s fantastic.
Sam Smith has millions of fans and they’ll be opening all those people’s minds.
They will also help young people who are struggling with their identity have a better understanding of the different ways people experience gender.
I transitioned four years ago, aged 16. I had the privilege of being surrounded by non-binary friends as well as being in a relationship with another non-binary person.
This was so lucky as it gave me the chance to explore the feelings I’d had about my gender that I’d pushed aside while as I tried to process and accept my identity.
At a younger age I didn’t have the vocabulary to explain my gender identity. I was assigned male at birth but knew that the pronouns he/him didn’t feel right to me. I identified as trans and began to transition, but I also knew that exclusively she/her didn’t quite make sense. That was when I realised that trans femme non-binary person – with they and she pronouns – best suited my gender identity.
This essentially means that I have a very feminine look but I do not subscribe to conventional ideas of what gender should look like.
If I’d had non-binary role models growing up I definitely would have recognised my identity sooner. It gives me hope for younger non-binary people that representation on this scale with help them understand their identity more easily.
It’s hard to see Sam Smith already being subject to abuse – even death threats – since coming out. Across social media they are being misgendered, something that’s incredibly painful for a non-binary person.
For me, the pronouns used are vital: they are a way of representing my identity. When people use them correctly, I feel seen, respected and loved – when I am misgendered it’s dehumanising, as if my entire existence has been invalidated.
Of course, my main inner circle of friends are trans and non-binary people so it was really easy coming out to them and they understand these struggles.
But when I told other people (including my close family) that I was non-binary, they were a little confused. They understood my identity as a binary trans woman and were very supportive of that. While they support me being non-binary, they don’t really understand what it means, which is hard for me to see.
When I identified as a trans woman and went by strictly she/her pronouns, my identity was broadly respected. When I came out as non-binary I noticed a shift.
Now I state my pronouns and people hear ‘they’, I’m often told this doesn’t make sense – even though we’ve been using ‘they’ as a singular genderless pronoun for centuries (‘everyone loves their mother’).
People don’t understand the power using the right or wrong pronouns can have. It matters to me that people get it right, not only for me but for all trans and non-binary people.
A lot of abuse and intolerance comes from a place of ignorance, and to combat that, it’s important for us to be represented in mainstream culture.
By having someone like Sam talking publicly and openly about this, we will begin to see being non-binary and something we all understand, especially with Sam being so often discussed in mainstream media. Hopefully we can begin to normalise different types of pronouns so that one day soon ‘they’ sounds as normal as ‘he’ or ‘she’.
My hopes for the future is that we will soon live in a society where trans and non-binary people’s rights are recognised and seen, and we are made to feel safe and secure for being ourselves. That’s all I want for our community, and Sam Smith’s coming out just got us one step closer.
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