Jeremy Clarkson has been left outraged after he was ‘blocked’ from buying any naughty stocking fillers for his girlfriend Lisa Hogan.
The Grand Tour star opened up in his Sunday Times column about how Google prevented him from accessing websites like sex wellness group Lovehoney and fashion site Net-a-Porter.
Google’s new SafeSearch filter censors adult content, and blocks people from encountering sites which feature “flesh” – including adults wearing lingerie.
And Jeremy’s Christmas was thrown into chaos as a result.
The Clarkson’s Farm star explained that he failed to do any Christmas shopping online due to the changes to Goggle’s algorithm.
He wrote: “I decided, therefore, to begin with women’s fashion, so I visited a site called Net-a-Porter, which, it turns out, sells every single garment ever invented.
“I’m not sure but I reckon there were at least 40,000 jumpers. And I couldn’t look at half of them because, for reasons that aren’t clear, my wi-fi has self-installed some kind of filter that blocks any site that contains flesh.
“For the same reason, I was unable to buy Lisa any stocking-fillers from Lovehoney.”
When he eventually found some garments allowed to pass through the filter, Jeremy was left even more confused, adding that he could buy actual stockings – but the sizings were rather odd.
Jeremy explained that options came in small, medium and large, musing: “What’s that got to do with it? Surely length is what matters, not width.”
Jeremy’s Christmas chaos continued as delivery drivers find it difficult to locate his home on Diddly Squat Farm in Chadlington, Oxfordshire.
He lives on the farm – where Amazon series Clarkson’s Farm is filmed – with Lisa.
Jeremy joked that “every village WhatsApp group” has been packed full of people wondering where their ordered Christmas gifts were, including “the bird table they’ve been saving up for all year”.
It comes after Jeremy admitted a cow “tried to kill him” on the farm and left him with agonising “smashed testicles”.
He revealed one of the cows seemed to have "an interest in killing me", adding: "It’s said a cow cannot kick backwards but I can testify to the fact that this isn't true. A cow can kick in any direction.
"They are like Bruce Lee, only more deadly.
"Having failed to connect with her hoofs, she put her head between my legs and then raised it smartly."
Jezza added: “"I think this was the lowest point in my farming career to date.
"Being attacked by a cow while on my knees, in the mud, in a storm, with smashed testicles."
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